Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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