dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
