so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
