he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
