Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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