You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
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