I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
