Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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