i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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