billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
