dude i'm inner monologue high
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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