this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize