You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Randomize
