do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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