No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
