I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize