Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
