It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
