We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
