there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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