we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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