i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
