She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
