I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
don't judge my taste in strippers
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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