If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
