Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
