now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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