i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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