I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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