I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
