I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
