I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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