you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
