I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
