My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
