dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
