Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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