just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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