You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
