yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
