I love watching others lives come down to our level.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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