return my video game
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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