...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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