Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
