Soap is not a condiment
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
