My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
