I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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