I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize
