Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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