I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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