Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
