Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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