how can u be prego again
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you told grandpa to call you daddy
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
