I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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