she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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