The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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