wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
