So drunk, too bad you don't want this
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
