HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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