I CAN MOONWALK!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
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