I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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