he wants to bone in the snuggie
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
