It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
