my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
