Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
