I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
